BUSES AND COUCHES

In my work as a life coach one lament, I hear over and over is, “I’m not going on to one of the online dating sites. They’re disgusting, and everyone says so I just want to meet someone nice, fall in love, form a good friendship hopefully leading to love, blah, blah, blah.” but you don’t want to put ourself out there somehow, someway that puts you in circles of people where you might get lucky and meet someone. Get your head out of the sand or the other part of your anatomy. You sit home alone and whine to your friends if you’re female. You secretly search the online dating sites, looking at pictures and reading profiles, actually seeing some attractive looking guys, but you know you’re not going to make yourself look desperate by putting a profile on a dating site. Oh yes, I forgot, you’re beautiful and smart, and sexy, and your list of criteria for the man of your dreams is longer than your arm, even though you drive a car that costs more than your rent or an old beater, and you don’t have anyone to watch your kids and your credit card is maxed out. You don’t tell your girlfriends your husband left you because he couldn’t deal with all of the calls from bill collectors you incurred when you shopped until you dropped.

And you guys aren’t any better. You stay home with your buddies playing beer pong and telling each other that women are bitches, every one of them, and you’re happy without the wife that, by the way, went screaming off into the sunset just to get rid of you. Oh, and then you spend countless hours bitching about how much alimony or child support or both you’re having to pay. When you tell your buddies, the ones who aren’t puking in your bushes getting ready to play another round, that your ex is such a bitch she got the court to give her everything and all you got was screwed. I bet you leave out the part where you didn’t come home after work because you had to stop by the bar and have a few with you buddies, or how she looked at your texts and discovered you’d been sexting with a coworker, or anything negative about yourself.

So the ladies sit home and whine, and the guys stay home and play beer pong, but nobody is smart enough to get that:

  1. If you want to meet someone, your chances are slim to none if you stay home, whining about your sad life and contemplating suicide, which you will never commit because you do believe he’s out there looking for you while you cry buckets of tears and wait.

and

2. No woman is looking to meet the same guy she just left behind so buddies and beer pong might be fun activities for you and your friends but you probably ought to admit to yourself that you don’t envision yourself being alone for the rest of your life and clean up now and again so you can put yourself into groups of people where you might meet a woman who is just right for you.

And they are out there. Yes, but all of the sexes want the bus to come by the couch or the pong table to pick you up and deliver you to the love of your life. Just think about how you’ve acquired other things you’ve wanted. You went about it in a way the pretty much insured you’d get what you wanted.

When it comes to lonely men and women, y’all are being stubborn, picky, and not taking responsibility for your own bad habits. Unlike when you want something and you put your mind to make that happen and it happens. Wake up! You have to go out and find a partner or, heaven forbid, get your scared, embarrassed (what if you meet someone you know? Like why are they there?) self out there and learn a bit of technology and how to be smart about it and make it a goal as important at least as a job goal, and turn on that computer for something besides Pinterest or porno.