O.K. So how many of you are going to admit you hate Christmas and that Thanksgiving is second in line for most hated holiday? I mean at least admit to yourself you hate it. This is why you hate Christmas in case you’re still wondering if you fall anywhere close to normal in the Christmas category:
- You’re working and you don’t have any extra time for the dozens of things participating in Christmas requires.
- Making dinner or going to someone’s house for dinner and cleaning dinner cooker’s kitchen after the meal.
- Buying presents for an endless number of people or buying an endless number of presents for one or two people.
- Shopping for presents for people who already have everything or don’t have anything but not knowing what to buy them.
- Wrapping the presents.
- Eating a meal with people you may or may not like but definitely don’t see most of the year.
- Having to use your credit card since you’re already living from paycheck to paycheck.
- Sending out Christmas cards if you’re truly a masochist.
- Delivering presents whether mailing, meaning standing in the post office for an hour, or having to go for a cheery visit, wasting even more precious time.
- Putting up a tree after buying or dragging out of storage.
- Decorating the house and, for masochists only, decorating outside the house.
- Recognizing that paying down your credit card is going to be very hard and might not be accomplished before the next Christmas rolls around.
- Attending Christmas parties, Christmas parades, Christmas events. Remember you already didn’t have any time.
- Basically stepping out of an already busy and stressful life to add more stress to your life because you’re required to be even busier than usual.
- Making grocery lists so you can put on a helmet and brave the grocery store crowds if you’re cooking the meal, even if you’re buying an already prepared meal because everything requires heating up, which is the same as cooking basically, and spending a ton of money you don’t have even if you ask other people to bring a dish of something to share, usually a dish of something you’d normally never eat.
- Saying thank you for presents you’re either going to throw away, re-gift, or hide in an already jammed full closet or garage where you’re sure you’ve lost at least one pet and hopefully not one child because it’s so already packed with junk.
- Having to have a smile on your face when you feel like ripping your hair out.
- Hugging everyone.
- Giving a gift or money to any service people you have in your life such as the newspaper kid. Sometimes that can be as many as five people and you don’t have a maid, butler, or cook.
- If you’re a woman making sure you have something lovely to wear, which usually means purchasing entire outfits including shoes, for peripheral and the main event, getting a mani-pedi, getting your hair dyed, or cut, or curled, or made to look holiday ready and let’s not forget the waxing, getting botox injections, fillers, not enough time for a face lift so you’re stuck with your face.
- Driving in bumper to bumper traffic wondering where these people are the rest of the year.
- Having Christmas music, the songs you most hate, piped at you every time you step into any store even the grocery store.
- Observing or having to participate with one of those bleary eyed old men who have been wearing the same worn out Christmas suit for decades and whose lap is filled with kid after kid who bravely try not to cry or run away because mom and/or dad is standing guard and they want that photo for the Christmas card no matter what the kid wants, feels, or needs.
I could go on and on but the thought of taking down the tree and putting everything away until next time less than twelve full months away and, if you’re lucky, there will be a next time and, if you’re unlucky “May you be in heaven a full half-hour before the devil knows you’re dead” just makes me too tired to keep writing this list.
The above also applies to Hanukkah or any other holiday you find yourself caught up in because it’s the tradition and you don’t want to ignore the tradition even if you could what with TV advertising, store advertising, speaking of which, did you notice stores are now putting out Christmas wares BEFORE Thanksgiving?
I could suggest you go to a warm sunny place where you will spend less money and have more fun but you believe you don’t have enough money or courage to do that except you’re going to spend double what a vacation would cost when all is said and done and you add up the big and little things (you know, those little details like Christmas scented candles).
Before much more time goes by contact me so I can help you with a plan that’s somewhat saner or an escape route that’s believable even to your mother! Or do you feel too guilty to fly away from your mother during such an important holiday season? I mean isn’t every holiday the last holiday she may be able to spend with you? Oh dear, you’re in trouble but you know that already. I’d give you a recipe for chicken soup to soothe what ails you and your mother but I have a rule never to set foot into my kitchen unless it’s to grab something pre-made or pre-packaged. After all, I’m too busy for anything else.