The Shame of Metrosexuals??


Definition of metrosexual courtesy of Mirriam Webster dictionary: a usually urban heterosexual male given to enhancing his personal appearance by fastidious grooming, beauty treatments, and fashionable clothes. A metrosexual  is happy getting a pedicure and a manicure. He’s hip, urban, sophisticated and, above all, stylish

Now I happen to think this is just weird. And here’s why I think it’s weird.

Since when did men who enhance their personal appearance, get pedicures and wear fashionable clothes have to be called by another name? Does that mean that men, real men, don’t or haven’t done these things? We all know heterosexual men who do all of the things listed above. Not all men do all of them but some men do all of them and some men do some of them.

What’s the implication here that real men don’t tend to the things listed above, that real men have knarly toes and wear undershirts with holes in them? No, no, no, what it must mean is that men who do any or all of the things listed by dear old Mirriam need another name, a tipoff, so the rest of us know they’re different. For god’s sake, they’re not gay and have the nerve to be fastidious in their grooming?

What is this world coming to? Never mind, it would take way too long to answer that question but the mindset is fairly stupid. Women spend hours, days, weeks, if the time was totaled up, bitching at their boyfriends or husbands to dress better, do something more stylish with their hair, get the dirt out from underneath their fingernails and, by the way, the Goodwill wouldn’t even accept the clothes he’s wearing. If they’re going out how many women tell the guy what to wear and he meekly puts it on to please her? He obviously doesn’t have a clue about personal hygiene and that’s why he’s a man, a real man. He’s the studly drunk at every party who’s slobbering down some other woman’s cleavage telling her, quietly of course, that he’s really attracted to her because she’s just, well hot, just hot and his wife doesn’t put out since the kid came along and would Ms. Cleavage meet up with him for “lunch” some time? Her answer probably depends on how much money he has and how single she is but she’s not interested in his mismatched clothes, his ugly haircut or his boozy breath. And if the guy doesn’t have money Ms. Cleavage pushes him aside and goes on to mingle with men oh, those metrosexuals.

So women get what they want, a man, a man who knows how to take care of himself and is interested in his appearance. Those men get an entire new category assigned to them: metrosexual, which implies, even if you won’t admit it, that they’re really gay but don’t want to be identified as such so they have wives and girlfriends but everyone knows, they’re gay. If a man is gay that’s just fine. If a heterosexual man is heterosexual does he get labeled gay just because he figured out how to take care of himself? Or, for heaven’s sake, actually likes to take care of himself? He’s probably sneaking out of town to get pedicures.

What is it ladies? Do you want a clean, well groomed, well dressed man you don’t have to bitch into looking his best or do you want a guy you can bitch at because he’s clueless and you’re embarrassed to be seen in public with him so you only bitch privately because, what would people think if they knew, you’re a real bitch. That’s a great word isn’t it? The implication is so sordid. No woman ever wants to be thought of as a bitch so she only bitches at her guy when other people aren’t looking.

It doesn’t matter. If he’s not a metrosexual he’s looking right past her at the game on the big screen hanging from his modestly small wall. He belches and farts and dreams about meeting up with Ms. Cleavage where she’ll be so hot for him she’ll just rip her clothes right off as soon as he gets her in a private or semi-private room. The bathroom at the restaurant comes to mind since he’s too cheap to rent a room.

This concept is so crazy I can only conclude one thing and that is that some women just like to bitch so if her man becomes a metrosexual she’d have to shut up and she’s way too mad at something, she’s not quite sure what, to shut up. Contrary to what she says she really wants the slob. She actually believes he’s such a slob no one else would want to get too close to him and she’s probably right.

So let’s lose the label ladies. There aren’t heterosexual men who are metrosexuals. There are men who take very good care of themselves, their appearance, and they probably also come with manners and there are men who admire Archie Bunker and just hate the word “feminist” even if they don’t have a clue as to what it means. However, they are all men, just men. Do we have to push them into little categories? All people have different characteristics and no one fits into a snug little pigeon hole. Men are just men and women are just women but let’s give a round of applause to men who pride themselves on their personal appearance and just stop calling them by another name.