Are You Lonely Tonight?

If you are it’s your fault so go look into the mirror and say, “I’m a dumb ass because I haven’t even tried to get a lover.” No one, absolutely no one has to be alone but you might not find a millionare since you aren’t one and you might not find six pack abs or boobs bigger than your wildest dreams (I’d say nightmare but that would be sarcastic). There are free online sites, POF, OK Cupid, and there are about a million Meetup groups and then there’s always that local advertising paper or magazine that lists what activities are going on right where you live. Well, not in your living room but nearby.

So, number one rule, do not go with a gaggle of friends because no one is going to single you out if you don’t look like you’re also looking. Number two rule, look. Number three rule, smile. Number four rule, take a chance and strike up a conversation any conversation. Great icebreakers:

“Nice (or horrible) weather we’re having”

“What’s your sign?”

“You look like you could use some company”

O.K. maybe those are a bit outdated but they’d still work. If you don’t like those suggestions make one up, anything. Just smile and say something. The bus doesn’t come by your couch nor does it come by any place you’re hiding amongst your friends.

I can hear mold growing on your a__ and I can feel your pain, not. You haven’t earned a lover because you haven’t taken responsibility for making it happen.