Coaching is useful for many different situations: something you aspire to but haven’t been able to attain, something you’d like to change about yourself but haven’t, a change you want that takes courage you’re afraid you might not have, in short, anything about your life you want to change or make better can usually be helped with coaching even nerds benefit from coaching.
So now to the nerdy part. You’re a guy who never has had much luck with women, and it’s women you’re interested in so that’s where lady luck has been failing you. Maybe you’ve never had much luck when it comes to dating or finding a partner. Maybe you get rejected, a lot, on singles dating sites, or maybe you’re too scared to get on singles dating sites.
First of all, go look in the mirror. How’s your hygiene? Is your hair clean, your teeth brushed, clothes neat and clean, shoes clean and in decent condition. No woman wants to be kissed by a guy with greasy hair and bad breath. Oh, I hear you now, “That’s not me. I’m don’t look that bad. I just washed these clothes three days ago.” Yes, it is you, and you’ve been ignoring how you look for a long time, and that’s part of why you’re not in a relationship.
Once you’ve passed the visual test, you need to do these things:
- Join a club or group or go to Meetups. You can find a meetup for just about anything by going to www.meetup.com. You need to get out and not to places where there’s no chance of meeting a potential partner but to places that at least have a mix of singles and couples. How long have you been feeling sorry for yourself while you’re sitting on your couch dribbling donut crumbles onto your not too clean shirt and watching TV? Too long and you know it.
- Examine how much courage you think you have because it takes courage to do the things you need to do to meet someone who will be your partner. It takes courage to put up a profile on a dating site, daring to go out and about where other people are socializing or mingling, putting yourself out there no matter where you are and expecting that, if you’re doing this right, you will be rejected, maybe dozens of times. Get used to it. If you’re hiding in your house hoping someone stuffs a partner into your mailbox I hear they’ve eliminated that service for cowards, so give that up.
- Everyone you know has tried and tried again if they’re in a relationship. Make a list of what you need to do and what to expect as you do it, like expect dozens of rejections. How else do you think you will meet a life partner? How else do you think the rest of the world does it, except for bizillionares and that’s another problem you don’t have.
- What do you do? If you sit around on your days off, playing video games and looking at porn on your computer you probably don’t have much to talk about when you are meeting people. So you have to do something besides work, and you have to be able to talk about it interestingly. Take up painting, dancing, organizing, gardening, politics, anything that identifies you and what you do. Now, what does that mean, that means, never, ever bore a potential date into running the other way. That means cut to the chase if you’re telling a story or explaining some aspect of your life. Say what you have to say and wait for the other person to say what they have to say and don’t wait for them to take a breath so you can jump back it. Don’t make the other person’s eyes roll back into their heads while you hang on to your captive audience, not noticing that once they get a chance they disappear, never to be seen again.
- Ask questions. You’re really not that interesting, but you know that already and ignore that awareness around other people so you can hear yourself talk. And, this is where major nerd comes into play, do not talk about things that require the mind of an engineer to understand or tell your sad story as if that’s going generate interest in you. Be lighthearted, look and sound secure even if you’re not, have a good sense of humor, keep the conversation going, don’t wait to have your nerdy self-dragged along by someone who is trying harder than you are to carry on a conversation.
- Pay. Don’t fumble around the first, second, or third time you meet. Once you get to know each other if you like each other and you’ve actually gotten that far just pick up the tab. Do not make the other person pay for coffee or something to eat or in a restaurant. It will all even out if it progresses. Getting it to progress is the trick you don’t seem to have learned. In relationships, people can honestly talk about finances and their feelings but don’t expect anyone who makes half as much as you do to pay fifty percent after you get to know each other and you’re talking finances. Most often the other person, if they’re short on money, will make it up in different ways. If, after a month or so, they don’t, run.
- Don’t be self-effacing, meaning don’t put yourself down. Stand up tall. Open doors, pull out chairs, ask questions, fake it until you make it saying you can feel like an idiot and wish the floor would swallow you up. Don’t reveal that. Don’t tell, as you’re getting to know someone, anything that is shocking, overwhelming, gross, boring, or boring. Did I say boring? Watch guys in a bar, although I’m not recommending you pull some lush out of a bar because she’ll be gone when she sobers up or lifting your wallet out of your pocket. Guys in bars are laughing, joking, looking confident, looking good and you wouldn’t know if their grandma died the day before. There’s plenty of time for the serious stuff if you make a connection.
If you’re scratching your head and feeling like it’s all too much, contact me and set up some coaching sessions. Without the work, you’ll be without a partner, and I give out guarantees on that one!