Relationship Killers

In this article I’m going to just list, without explaining, some things that break up relationships. In the next article, I’ll list some things that make relationships. I’m not going to list the obvious like infidelity or addiction because you all know that or should.

Relationship Breakers

  1. Think of yourself as smarter, funnier, or better looking than your partner.
  2. Divide the cost of everything right down the middle, forever, to the penny.
  3. Don’t ever give a compliment.
  4. Don’t ever initiate sex. Or initiate sex and assume a kiss constitutes foreplay.
  5. When having sex, act as if you’re doing it because it’s your job.
  6. Complain and criticize.
  7. Don’t hold yourself accountable for being fun, funny, polite, soothing, responsive, or any of those other things to your partner that you want from your partner.
  8. Always look at members of the opposite sex when you’re out, really look, so it’s obvious.
  9. Don’t share what your thoughts and feelings are, hold out until you think your partner is worthy of hearing your opinion or about what you’ve been doing while apart.
  10. Don’t ever initiate a date or an outing.
  11. Don’t ever look for fun things to do.
  12. Don’t think about what your partner needs and how you might help them.
  13. Measure everything, tit for tat. Be less kind to your partner than you are to your friends.
  14. Bathe, shower, do your nails and hair as infrequently as possible.
  15. Don’t worry about whether or not your clothes are clean and decent looking.
  16. Don’t bother to say please and thank you.
  17. Don’t listen to your partner’s stories or what they have to say, assume you already know it or it’s not worth hearing.
  18. Assume you’re all that and your partner just doesn’t appreciate you.
  19. Believe, as you read this, that nothing on this list applies to you.