You never get your needs met. You’ve been married a year or more, maybe you even have a child. You find yourself explaining over and over why you get upset, why you withdraw, or more likely, why you get angry. Each time you do it, you feel more and more like you’re eating sawdust because nothing changes, ever, and you both know it.
Sometimes you pack up and go to your mother’s or a friend’s for a day or day and night, and then you two start texting, then talking on the phone, and the next thing you know you’re back together again all lovey-dovey but you know it’s going to happen again.
What’s “it’s,” you say? That’s when your partner spends little or no time with you unless it’s to eat a meal, sleep, or have sex and often that’s rare because you’re hurt and angry and he’s hurt and angry, but you really don’t want to break up. You spend your relationship explaining, explaining, explaining, then blowing up. He spends his lifetime saying as little as possible and hopes he’ll get laid sometime in the coming month or year.
Oddly enough, a high percentage of these marriages will either end up in divorce court, or major addictions will come into play, to feel and not feel. The children involved suffer tremendously when they feel tension at home, and divorce is even worse.
But you don’t want that anyway. O.K. So, explaining and talking isn’t working because if it were there problem would have gone away, which it hasn’t. Here’s the solution, it’s this easy and this hard. You’ve got nothing to lose even if you don’t know that yet.
Expect to be heard. If your partner is distracted when you’re trying to say something, stop, take a deep breath, blow it out slowly, and kindly ask your partner when they think they’ll have time to talk. Be prepared for blowback the first time. That’s when you pick up your marbles and say that you’ll play when you’re going to be dealt with fairly.
If you’re afraid to tick him off, then he’s going to grow and grow like the beanstalk in Jack and the Beanstalk because there is nothing to check his ego. You’re an adult. Step up to the non-violent plate and teach him how to treat you. Only when you do that will you get your needs met. Expect that they should be met and then look at it from that perspective.